pull down the moon,

7th January.

2012-01-08T10:30:00.000Z

I decided to dress my chav boyfriend yesterday (he's not really one, but he dresses a lot like one) and then I borrowed his coat.

He's not used to outfit pictures being taken, so he pulled faces!

But he's cute.

Me on the other hand...I'm just naturally awkward.

That's one of the shirts I got in Milan - I haven't worn it since I purchased it!

6th January.

2012-01-07T23:36:00.001Z

I got this jumper for a bargain of £7, can't really see how good it is in the picture though!

I fear I may be ridiculed for the shirts as they are actually my boyfriends boxers that he didn't want! I used.to lounge about in them thinking they're make great shorts, so yesterday I but the bullet and just wore them as shorts! I do look rather frumpy in this picture though. It looked better, I just have no other pictures...!

Eyes bigger than my stomach.

2012-01-04T11:09:00.000Z

Christmas and new years have only result in me stuffing my face.

See here for the yummiest part of it all!

two is better than none.

2012-01-03T21:11:00.001Z

New years - I wish I'd actually taken some of me out!

Bargain dress from h&m for £3!

Also got one in black.

Things to point out:

1 - I wish I was better at remembering to take pictures! After a slow start I'll pick it up again or just make my boyfriend do it.

2 - I'm putting on weight - all that eating in Italy has made my body change!

Breakfast!

2012-01-02T17:35:00.003Z

My boyfriend went home for Christmas and brought us back home-made brown bread baked by his mum and we had this delicious breakfast!

Happy New Year Bloggers!

Goodbye Milano

2011-12-26T21:33:00.001Z

Hope everyone had a really good Christmas!

Early Christmas present!

2011-12-19T19:42:00.000Z

So my news that I was excited about? My wonderful boyfriend came and saw me in my last weekend here and brought my Christmas present with me - iPod Touch. I've known I was getting since about October (we've been together since end September). I really love it!

A few weeks back when I was in London we found this cute cover in TK Maxx that, he would not let me purchase so he bought it for me.

The wonderful man himself, this weekend.

I've taken so many photos on it already and downloaded the blogger app, so perhaps you'll see more posts as I can blog on the go!

L'artigiano at Rho Fiera - part II

2011-12-16T20:22:00.001Z

This is part two :)

The last photo is the only photo I have of the European section, was so tired after that. We browsed around quickly and then headed back to mine.

I go home in 5 days!! Also I'm getting an early Christmas present tomorrow - can't wait to show you guys!

L'artigiano at Rho Fiera

2011-12-14T18:54:00.002Z

Last Saturday my boyfriend and I went to L'artigiano, just a bit outside of Milano. My flatmate recommended that we go, after excitedly showing me all the meat he had brought from there. He said it wasn't just food there was clothes and other items. My boyfriend and I figured it would be a good idea and something to look around - little did we know we would basically end up getting Christmas gifts from people!

L'artigiano is basically a huge fair with the focus on clothes, food and other stuff (lol no idea what to call it), and was held in an exhibition centre. If you've ever been to Earls Court you'll get the idea of how big it is. It was four huge exhibition rooms, the focus was mainly on Italy, so it was split into different parts like Sicily, Lombardy etc. Then there was Europe attached to it. Italy and Europe took up three rooms and the last was the continents of Africa, Asia and South America. That's the one we visited first and we actually just fell in love and that's were all our gifts were from.

We bought loads there, ate Tibetan food and then lost all out energy but still went round to Italy and Europe, they weren't as exciting but certainly offered loads of food tasting!!

I have pictures anyway, well half, haven't finished editing the rest with exams going on!! This is the 'countries of the world' which is basically Africa, Asia & South America.

More pictures to come soon. I have two phone interviews tomorrow - strangely I'm quite excited about them as opposed to nervous!!

2011-12-12T20:17:00.000Z

"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain"

Joseph Campbell

Winter retreat.

2011-12-06T13:35:00.001Z

I decided on this bright ensemble on a night out looking for chinese in Milano.

We found food eventually.
Chinese food in Milano is SO cheap!

This is my 300th post!
Hopefully around February I can start paying full attention to my blog. Milan didn't go as well as I thought it would, it's horrible being along in a country with no money and battling with student finance to get it. That started of a roller coaster of emotions. When I'm back in London, I'll be looking for a placement so I can complete my university year, so I'm assuming I'll be pretty busy until then, so post will be sporadic but I'd just like take that chance to thank people for still reading :)

Celebratory dinner

2011-12-05T17:32:00.001Z

After much much hell in Milano, I've decided I'm coming home. I was incredibly scared of telling my mum but on Friday I did so - and she wasn't at all upset or angry or disappointed. It was such a relief!

So my boyfriend whisked me off to Carluccio's - it wasn't as nice as the first time we went but was still yum. Anyway I decided to pull together an outfit :)

I once again have exams to deal with.

Uni is such a bore!

xxx

Princess dress

2011-11-27T11:01:00.001Z

I've acquired quite a few bits and pieces over the weeks but this by far is my favourite.

I feel like a princess in it. My friends mum purchased it for me, it's from Lipsy. I haven't had the chance to wear it yet but it's gorgeous! She also got me a few other pieces that I will eventually get round to taking pictures of - including this wonderful nude(perhaps) coloured shirt.

I got myself a pair of jeans from Bershka yesterday, after over a year I finally purchased a pair. I love them and now will not struggle to fit into them :) as I did with my old pair of jeans, I think that was a combination of too many washes and too much pasta and gelato eating!

I hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday

xxxx

Barking Market

2011-11-24T10:52:00.001Z

Last Saturday whilst I was in London, my boyfriend and I went down to Barking Market because he wanted to buy discounted designer underwear. No luck in that department - I did however discover two blazers.

For some reason blogger is not seeing that these photos are rotated to it's posting it like that - sorry!

I didn't purchase either of them. The pink was too tight for any arm movement and the green I wasn't sure of just because of the green it was.

I've been flying back between London and Milan and it really isn't as glamourous as it sounds - plane delays, screaming babies and being ill make it such a stressful journey!

from my last post until now.

2011-11-16T21:42:00.000Z

Dressed up for :

The Lion King at the Theatre!

Halloween!

much needed retail therapy.

can't even stress this.

rainy days to match my horrible life.

hello hotel in brighton!

Brighton was good to me and made us start afresh.

Between falling apart I've had some good times.

And now it seems like things are looking up :)

I've done a fair amount of shopping but I'm never in one place for longer than a week now,

so no time to take pictures :(

hi monday.

2011-10-24T13:00:00.001+01:00

I got this crop top jumper for £8 in h&m.

I'll be living in similar outfits for the next 4 days because I have no life.

Shopping in Milan

2011-10-18T15:58:00.002+01:00

I haven't been impressed with the shopping in Milan if I'm 100% honest. I really want to find cute unique stuff to Milan but mostly I've shopping in h&m and Bershka and this one other little store near the Duomo. I've never been a fan of Bershka back home but the one here is huge and actually has quite a lot of nice things!!
To make up for the lack of shopping I have been eating Italian food a lot - so I don't feel bad that I haven't got any clothes!! Seriously the food here is just so wonderful. Thoroughly enjoying the food :)
Anyway I have pictures of all the clothes and accessories I've bought since I've been here and it really isn't much at all!!

I really love this skirt but the small is too small and the medium is too big! I tried returning it but I can only do an exchange :( Need to find something I want tomorrow, as I'll be in London for 3 weeks and my 1 month exchange policy will run out!!

So gutted as I really wanted this skirt and it was only €20!

I love with this dress that I got from h&m. €40! Sad though as some beads have fallen off as you can see on the left! It's such a lovely colour though.

I got each of these in the h&m sale for €7.

My friend I found this junk store in china town which just had the most random stuff including these €3 Lolita style sunglasses!

Earrings from the store near Duomo - €3.

I got these in a cute store in Bellagio, Lake Como €16, two of the stones have fallen out though! I love my little froggies though.

Still yet to wear these €3 I think.

Top from Bershka €15.

I did buy a bag and my boyfriend bought me a pair of earrings which haven't been shown but apart from that, this is all I've bought!!

I'm off to London on Thursday and I think I may go a bit shopping crazy there! Cannot wait to see my friends and my boyfriend :)

Cinque Terre with my boyfriend.

2011-10-14T15:19:00.004+01:00

I suck at updating. Even my year abroad blog is slacking! I've been having personal problems so I can only say they have taken over. Most of it is sorted now, but I'm off to London next week Thursday without my laptop so I don't know how much updating I can do. As I'll be staying with my boyfriend and seeing friends and doing interviews and well I'll just be very busy!

Italy has been treating me well and my boyfriend came to see me at the end of September and we left Milan for Genova. We went to Cinque Terre, those Five Colourful Lands. It was asbolutely worth it! It was beautiful and we got to swim in the sea and just generally had a wonderful time. I have pictures for proof. I really really suggest you go there if you ever get the chance to go from Italy. It's three hours on the train from Milan and just so worth it.

this last picture is actually in h&m in Milan. I picked him out this blazer for jokes.

I still think it looks hot.

So that was my Cinque Terre holiday! I'll say it again for the third time, go there!

food with love.

2011-09-19T18:43:00.004+01:00

chocolate pasta and amazing gelato.

I can't even begin to explain how nice this gelato was and the cone.

Italian gelato is something to talk about.

my last weekend in London

2011-09-06T17:30:00.000+01:00

So today marks two weeks that I've been in Italy. Before I left I had myself some leaving drinks and then spent the rest of the weekend with my now boyfriend. Absolutely delightful weekend, albeit a small hiccup on the leaving drinks.

I'm all out of pictures now but I'm sure living here for a year will mean you'll see plenty more.

Ciao!

Milano pt 4.

2011-09-04T10:22:00.001+01:00

The final batch of pictures I took in my first week.

I had such a lovely day yesterday, went around to post flyers for the spare bed in the room then met one of their friends and went to McDonalds. McDonalds here is so expensive it's unreal so that's a good deterrent for me!

I've got to do so much today. Yes on a Sunday! I'm making myself lunch then hopping in the shower and hopefully shopping for some more essentials before I begin my writing tasks.

I hope everyone has had a good weekend.

Milanoo pt 3.

2011-09-03T10:20:00.001+01:00

Here we have the final photos from my first week.

broken class and spilled drinks in the hotel room

One more instalment and then I'm done!

I have no idea what to do with myself this weekend, I'm sure I''ll find something though!

Milano. pt 2.

2011-09-02T16:31:00.002+01:00

Here is the second instalment of pictures from my first week. My flatmates are so lovely, I do feel a lot more welcome here :)

The guy taking it told us to think of love, naturally we laughed.

Part three coming tomorrow :) I hope everyone has a wonderful weeknd.

Hello from Milan! pt 1.

2011-09-01T14:44:00.000+01:00

My blogging has been abysmal but I'm all settled in my new place in Milan. Been having language classes, that I've decided to give a miss today simply because I have so much I need to sort out and I need to do it before I go mad. I have pictures to show anyway - clearly there are loads so I will split them up just so it's easier to view!

my friend is an absolute coffee fiend so of course she headed here first when we got into a supermarket.

lol at how much of a tourist I look like.

they don't want my love, they just want my potential

2011-08-04T16:39:00.001+01:00

Between the rooms being sorted, working, huge huge financial problems, family problems and heading down to Birmingham to move my stuff, I haven't been able to really take any pictures or blog at all! I still need to sort out my room but I fly to Milan in less than 3 weeks so I'm not really see much point - especially as time is so limited. I'm working this weekend and the next, I need to scrape by funds to pay for my deposit and first months rent and survive out there until my loan comes through so I don't want the added stress of sorting my room.

The jumpsuit is a present from my friends mum, I like it but it has these parts I safety pin back because I'm not like how they fan out. I'll probably do a post about it as I'm yet to wear it because I'm not sure of the colour on me.

Also I'm selling things on ebay and there will be loads more to come so please spread the word as all funds will go to my survival in Italia!

under construction

2011-07-21T22:50:00.000+01:00

pulling silly faces since the day I was born.

So my house was was in ruins yesterday and my brothers room was the only empty one! I needed a break from it all so I got dressed and went off for a bite to eat and drinks with a friend - it was pissing it down with rain of course.

My room is all done now, just need to put all my stuff back. All of this is such a horrible hassle as my mum literally just went batty and decided to re-do the house without any input from anyone but the most annoying thing is the things just lying about the house. Oh well it'll all be gone soon!

part-time lover, full-time friend.

2011-07-17T13:28:00.001+01:00

Plain Jane. Not the best pictures but my room isn't itself at the moment.

People always say "YOUR TOP HAS A HOLE IN IT" I reply "it has several"

Anyway it's old, I only bought it because I had to wear something from Forever21 as part of my "uniform" so I got this.

up all night.

2011-07-15T19:28:00.000+01:00

I love how these are sort of opposites of each other.

My blog has been dead because I've been dead - well sort of. After having a wonderful weekend at Sonisphere I came down with the flu, I've just about cleared it out of my system. I'm now able to move and eat and stuffs.

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend :)

285

2011-07-06T20:39:00.002+01:00

I've had this dress for about four years. I bought it from Primark on a whim but me back then didn't really see how I would ever wear it. Still when it came to throwing out my clothes I could just never get rid of it, the pattern is so pretty and it's perfect for summer. It was the top ruched bit that really annoyed me. So I come home this summer and it's hanging from my window (I just put it there for some reason) and decided this summer I would wear it. I've worn it once last month for a picnic, I felt very comfortable and it sits just on my knees, not many of my skirts do that!

(I do the weirdest poses)

Anyway I got dressed today just to clean out my mum's stuff out of my room so it can be painted and figured I really wanted to wear something summery, as I've been working the whole weekend and haven't dressed up the past two days.

So here we go! I took some and then did a final clean and took more pictures (aren't my socks cute). I wore my wedges for the photo, the patterns don't go but I still very much will wear that out! Also got my hair done on Friday, the service I received was terrible but I won't even go into that! I'm pretty much trying to fill my time up with work as I need the money and I'm getting rather bored of my chilling out now.

I'm off to Sonisphere tomorrow, either at 9am or 5pm, either way I haven't packed! I just fished my tent out underneath all the stuff my mum hoards and damn well nearly killed myself but I'm pretty much sorted apart from the fact I have £5 to my name. But breakfast, lunch and dinner is provided for the next 4 days! Still I need to figure out what to wear, as I have friends going so I'll be meeting up with them and at some point I'll be enjoying the music. I'll be back on Sunday, exhausted no doubt but I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

When in Paris

2011-07-05T20:38:00.000+01:00

A face I haven't seen around in a while!

Shala Monroque after Giambattista Valli show.

Source

recent purchases

2011-06-21T16:27:00.001+01:00

I purchased this off ASOS about two weeks ago, I thought I was going to love it as it was sequined but it wasn't what I expected, plus it was really itchy! So I sent it back. So I'm going to have to find my self a plain black bandeau top or something.

I love this dress, I bought it for my friends birthday, which I can't go to as I'm working. Gutted but I know I'll have another chance to wear it. I love the cut out and well it's a red dress, I never seem to pick any colourful going out dresses, so this is new.

I can't wait until Friday, my friend some how bagged tickets free tickets to HardRock Calling and she's taking me to make up for missing my birthday, which is amazing because The Killers are headling! I'm so excited, I'm gonna feel like I'm 15 years old again. Also the Kaiser Chiefs are playing, so once again hello to my 15 year old self. So excited to be in a gig atmosphere as once again I'm not heading to a festival this year. I am working some though, which isn't ever really the same but I actually prefer it that way!

2011-06-17T15:50:00.002+01:00

Fashion knows not of comfort. All that matters is the face you show the world.

Blair - S1E5

when you were young.

2011-06-16T21:40:00.000+01:00

I've been eyeing up this shirt since yesterday and today after my mother left I just took it from her closet! I absolutely love it! I love the little diamante detail it has the the pattern and the cute buttons. I don't own any denim anymore so I think I'm now falling in love with it!

I spent my day looking for curtains, as I have none and I think I've found the perfect ones, I'm trying to envision my future room so they sort of have to go with that. Anyway I have some from my mum to choose from as she footing the cost as she's partly responsible for why the sun blinds me at 6am every morning, grrr.

close up of the pattern :)

It's just starting pissing it down with rain, I got caught in a bit earlier but nothing as bad as this! Grateful for that as I only had a hoodie on me.

Had dinner at The Cuban in Camden as I bought a voucher from Groupn so it was about £40 worth of food for £16. Thing is I didn't really enjoy it, it was Cuban tapas and well I just didn't think it was tasted nice. It lacks something. I thoroughly enjoyed the tapas I've had at La Tasca, though so I haven't given up on tapas forever. It was nice though to treat my friend and I felt like I was being treated because I paid for it so long ago! I have a £25 massage I am yet to use!

pretty reckless

2011-06-15T14:34:00.002+01:00

You must have heard about our lovely gossip girl star flashing her boobies at Download Festival last weekend. I'm so gutted I wasn't there!

this is a gif, click it to get the full effect of her antics at download.

My crush on her has only increased. I don't care how old she is, her trashiness is so appealing to me.

Too bad I really don't like her bands music! Still would have love to see this live.

GABOS

2011-06-14T17:03:00.001+01:00

GABOS - Game Ain't Based on Sympathy

(google images)

Recently I've taken to watching a lot of TV shows online because I have nothing to do since my exams have finished. Latest show I've watched was a documentary, Louis Theroux's Miami Mega Jail. You can watch it on youtube in parts, as it's no longer on the BBC website. It's a two series documentary.

I thought the documentary was interesting, the second part more than the first. It gives you the basic insight that allows you to get interested and think more about these sorts of things. I've never been one for showing any interests in shows about the American Jail System because quite frankly I dislike anything to do with jail. The main thing I learnt was that 'jail' and 'prison' are two different things. Jail is for those who are pre-trial.

I found the term "gunning" (used in the the first part) interesting, mostly quite disgusting and if I was a guy I'd be ashamed of myself. Gunning refers to men masturbating in front of the female officers. The one guy near the end McCray or something laughs at the whole situation which I can see why he does, two years with no sex so far and I'm sure he's not any closer to getting out. He blabs on about how they should be entitled to porn magazine. Entitled is the wrong word, but I do think they should just throw some in their for the men. But overall I think it's your own fault that you got sent to prison, so if you're going to wank don't openly make the female guards be your source of desire. Honestly I would feel so devalued.

(screen capped)

The bootcamp in the second part just annoyed me, I've never been a fan of any of them that I've seen on TV. I obviously get that these kids have done horrific crimes but I do not understand how they think the techniques they use work. It's famously known that prison/jail doesn't rehabilitate, it just teaches "don't get caught" and I think the same stands for bootcamp. I'll admit it, the main thing about bootcamp that irritates me is, it's nothing like the real world and it never should be. Then again I do fully understand that maybe that is just punishment for the terrible crimes they have committed. Once again the power and control thing was evident by the trainers. It always strikes me in these situations, what kind of person do you have to be to do this job? Are your power hungry and this is on the only way you can gain that? Or do you genuinely care about the people in your bootcamp? The guys in this one didn't seem too bad.

(google images)
GMASH - Get Money and Stop Hatin'

I found Robert Shaw (on the right) in the second part to be really like-able. Maybe because he writes. Maybe because I know people like him. But more because he's not about putting on an image. You always find that with some of those who've done time, some do realise that the actions of others towards you is not a personal insult or an actual reflection of yourself. Whether he should be let out or not is another debate, but he seems to be tired of the life he use to lead and genuinely sounds like he's learnt something from his time in jail.

I found Louis Theroux's interview techniques perfect for this situation, by this I mean they were perfectly standard questions and approaches but he's quite a neutral person so I think they found it very easy to talk to him. He doesn't look intimidating and the questions he asked didn't seem bias or judgmental. I've never seen any other documentary of his so I can't do any comparisons, but I felt his attitude was able to produce insightful results.

I think one of the most powerful shots was during the first part, after the guy explains GABOS and Louis asks him how old he is and he says "27" and then there's this shot:

(screen capped myself)

I think everyone can get at what they are trying to conclude with this shot.

I'm not writing this with any sort of reflection as to human rights etc (as this would go on for a while), I'm not sure if I'm even shocked at what I've watched. I think what gets me the most is the contentment that resonates among the inmates, they are neither overly proud or ashamed of what they have done/do and I think that's really important. Even if it's a lifestyle I do not agree with I admire the stand they take in their subculture and how they have established rules and "friendships" in order to survive. Some inmates go out for an hour twice a week. Two hours out of one hundred and sixty eight. Jail must be exceptionally tough, of course these guys have mostly committed violent crimes and/are from a similar lifestyle, so for them jail probably isn't that different, but it's still an entire shift and a limitation (imitation even) of life. I feel that most of these people don't understand the ultimate sacrifice they are making, trading their life to be inside for the death of another. In one case, 40 years for what ultimately results in $20, I do not see how the human mind could comprehend that this is okay.

I cannot fathom a life in which I am forced into a combined space.

flying high/sinking deep

2011-06-06T16:54:00.002+01:00

After running some errands, I returned some flat black shoes that I thought were perfect for me. They were lovely and suitable for work as well as just to wear out and about, but I wore them to the park one day last week and my toe did not thank me for the huge blister it gave me! I think they run a little too small :( I saw a post Kavita from I heart vintage did one time and noticed she bought a lot of jewellery from Matalan, I've never had one near me so never really had the chance to browse one, but as I was in Dalston I decided to pop in and see if there was anything I could spend my refund on. I only found I was interested in the jewellery and shoes (no luck there though) and ended up with these two.

I've wanted these two ring things for a quite a while, but I'm not really a jewellery girl so never actually got round to purchasing one, but at £2 I couldn't resist. Then I saw the beautiful bird and I knew I had to get him. Even the cashier commented on him. I like that they are both gold. I didn't pick anything else as I'm not sure if they use nickel in their jewellery, so I couldn't pick a necklace or bracelet as I may break out in a rash. Nothing really stood out to me anyway.

I'm going to sort out my clothes and then practice my Italian!

Searching for a room is such a hassle by the way, still I'm getting in contact with lovely people who will all be attending in September, so exciting.

Sound of music

2011-06-05T14:11:00.003+01:00

Isn't my violin beautiful? I haven't played her in years! I was never good at it anyway.

So in a desperate bid to stop being a hoader and to clear out my room and to make money, I'm selling her.

So if you want a violin for cheap click here (or spread the word).

She's been around for too long and deserves to go to someone who will play her.

I'm also selling my memo boards (a cork and magnetic one) so do check out my ebay account!

chillin' like a villain'

2011-05-28T14:36:00.001+01:00

Well I'm back in London now after having my last exam yesterday! I've been slumming it in my pj's for the whole time.

I'm working at the Swedish House Mafia show tonight and tomorrow night at the bar, I'm actually excited!

Oh Venice.

2011-05-25T10:35:00.001+01:00

I'm completely yearning to see this, in 3 months this time I'll be flying off to Italy.

This is the only thing keeping me sane whilst I do these exams!

pieces of me.

2011-05-24T21:22:00.002+01:00

this is so old but I really miss journaling!

lately I've just been too set on sitting on the net and revising, to actually put effort into something else.

Summer will change that!

Light at the end of the tunnel?

2011-05-21T15:08:00.002+01:00

Exams has made my life such a gloomy place,

it has a lot to do with me not thinking I've done enough

and my exam that's coming up on Friday being super hard (predictably) because our lecturer has not given us enough guidance about it.

After Friday I'll be free but I will only feel good if I actually pass them when my results come out.

Oh and clever me, I brought my camera back down with me to Birmingham but left the cable in London :(

i did celebrate being 20.

2011-05-20T14:05:00.005+01:00

"now you've gotta learn to compromise and hold your head up high"

Skinny Love

2011-05-15T13:30:00.000+01:00

Source

Dawn breaks over a city and I feel like I am surrounded by dessert. I’m only remembering how you got on that train and left and how everything since then as drifted away and become unforeseeable. Vision is a funny thing you know? Those born with 20-20 vision start to lose that perfection as they grow older. My only self assurance, that perfection is unequal equilibrium. A bridge waiting to break the minute you put too much pressure on it. It sounds just like you.

I only want to look at you all the time, as if each time was for the first time, again and again. I never want to get tired of looking at your face. Love isn’t blind, it’s just blurred. The more you abuse something the more the cracks appear. You came into my life like a sea and now you won’t even storm into my desert. I only see you in a great destructive way, full of colours and bursting with the stories of your new life, yet you don’t even grant me that.

The noise of the city only reminds me that my other senses are just as powerful and if I can’t see you, I can hear you in the cracks of my floorboard, I can smell you on the seams of my pillow and I can taste you in the saltiness of my tears.

Source

I try to say it but it just comes out as a whimper. Why can’t I have you? There is something so deeply wrong with the whole situation and I can’t figure out where I ever went wrong. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough. Maybe I didn’t want you bad enough. But at this very moment I feel that every part of me wants you. Actually it doesn’t and maybe that’s the saddest part, I don’t want you to ever have it all because you don’t deserve it.

Words tumble out of your mouth like a car wreck and you keep on talking, you’re a wreck and I don’t understand how you do it. If anything you’ve taught me to stand on top of a building and empty my lungs. exhale, exhale. That way someone will listen. That way they will all listen, no one can ever say they didn’t hear me. I refuse to suffer in silence, I want it all to echo so everyone last one of you will hear and in some ways so you can hear it.

One day, you will hear the the happiness I resonate. Even if it ends with blood falling out of my mouth, you will hear the child’s laugh before it and it will echo in your skull for a lifetime. I won’t be the whimper that lulls you

Source

Loneliness is the enemy but I learnt being alone doesn’t really hurt. What hurts is the nights I spent alone when you should have been there. I don’t really understand the concept of being independent, the lines blur and I often have to stop and think ‘when is it okay to lean on people?’

You don’t make anything easy for me, if I stand alone you want to conquer the world with me. If I want you, you drop me off at the side walk. All of this is the one truth and the other? I’m too scared to say I want you so you can’t ever know how it may hurt, how I actually may just be alone. I never saw your face again, you just became another face on the train. These seconds become constant like the humming in my bones, I am so tainted that my loneliness has found an eternal breeding ground.

Your silent rejection should have no place here but it does. So I don’t sit with friends sharing meals, I don’t dine with lovers drinking wine, I sit alone and fill my walls with the charts of our mistakes. If I can figure out where we went wrong then perhaps I won’t be sitting in my past all the time.

You want cake?

2011-05-07T22:46:00.002+01:00

Birthday loving at La Tasca.

I had a lovely night and a lovely lunch.

My body wants to recover now.

I am actually really happy to be 20, leaving my teens behind makes me feel good for some reason.

20th birthday

2011-05-06T16:13:00.001+01:00

Today I am 20.

I took myself to the hummingbird bakery and then got this lovely dress! I also got stuck in a dress at the shop, trust me to do something like that on my birthday!

I must have a quick bath before doing an alcohol run and then getting ready!

I hope tonight is fun!

my bank card and I

2011-05-03T12:33:00.001+01:00

My bank card and I went shopping all thanks to my student loan! I thought I would buy loads but then I got really tired because I tried on so many things that just didn't suit me!

Anyway new look are doing 20% for student until the 16th of May so I really suggest that everyone just runs off there now! I got a pair of black rose printed wedges, a tribal sort of top and three pairs of socks for £29! Considering the shoes were £24.99 originally, I was practically dancing in the shop!

Then I took myself to MAC in selfridges because I really needed some foundation and I've been wanting to try MAC for a while after so many recommendations, it's a lot more money than what I'm used to paying for foundation but they tried it on me in the store and it's a lovely match! More importantly although I detest my skin, it doesn't bother me too much that I wear foundation on a daily basis, I only wear it when I'm out or having a really bad skin day, so it is money well spent!

I'm absolutely exhausted, I enjoyed my bank holiday waay too much! Came back to brum yesterday and woke up early today to hand in coursework. Now intense revision begins. Going to try my hardest to do a lot simply because it will be my birthday on Friday and I'm not likely to do any work on the weekend!

Oh dear, I'm off to eat and drink lucozade so I can be awake because I really just want to crawl into bed right now!

All in white!

2011-04-29T13:29:00.002+01:00

Safe to say I love my Birthday dress!

Saves me shopping around and getting stressed. I hope I don't jinx myself on the night and spill anything on me, I don't usually but because I'm wearing white I fear for the worst.

Is everyone watching the wedding?

I woke up and caught the part where they said 'i do' etc.

What a wonderful dress. Sarah Burton from McQueen, lovely!

Then turned the telly off!
Although my tweets are telling me I've missed the kiss. Not too gutted I have to say!

I should do revision but I'm really not in the best mood, hoping a bath will sort that out!

Have a lovely day everyone :)

Paprika Dress!

2011-04-25T10:14:00.001+01:00

As I have been stalking the ASOS website because my brother was placing an order, I came across this Paprika Dress in my search for a birthday dress.

I think it's so cute and it isn't anything I've seen on anyone I know, so I really wanted it. Paprika also seem to have some other really cute stuff. Also my brother wanted to get free delivery so he let me choose a dress. AND if I like it, it will be my present.

I hope I actually like it when it comes, I never wear white so this will be interesting.

If this isn't a fit then my search for a dress continues.

Hope everyone enjoys their Bank Holiday Monday!
I'll be writing essays, hahah :(

Ciao xx

Happy Easter!

2011-04-24T18:27:00.004+01:00

I hope everyone is having a lovely sunday! I'm not stuffing my face with Easter Eggs sadly but I'm still enjoying my day all the same. I did however go out earlier today to get myself some chocolate, aside from that I've just been cleaning.

Ciao xxx

420

2011-04-22T11:38:00.001+01:00

Haha Rihanna is such a boss!

Didn't even think the purse was possible!

Source

I'm now also a redhead again!

yellow sunshine!

2011-04-21T17:23:00.003+01:00

How cute is this haha?

Suns been here for a couple of days, I'm actually loving it. I've spent a fair bit of time enjoying myself and not enough time doing revision but I just can't help it.

It's my birthday in two weeks, uh-oh!

Mercy - Jodi Picoult

2011-04-18T20:14:00.000+01:00

Mercy by Jodi Picoult

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Not one of her best but considering it's some of her earlier stuff I'm not that let down by it. It was really pleasant to read aside from that I don't have much to say about it. I think the most interesting thing about this is how she makes us read about love in a brand new way. I guess she really shows that love and mercy really do go hand in hand (amongst other things) and she's right 'what would you do for someone you love?

View all my reviews

wish list

2011-04-16T11:03:00.000+01:00

I've been wanting something from Vivienne Westwood for ages. At first I wanted a purse but last year when I was working at Forever21, one of the boys there had the vw earring in and that's when I decided I really needed to own some of her jewelery! My loan comes in soon and three days after that it's my birthday, I think this calls for an amazing present to myself! I know I'm certainly getting the necklace, I'll have a think about the earrings.

Vivienne Westwood Greek Gold Mini Bas Relief Earrings

Vivienne Westwood Mini Bas Relief Pendant Silver

Aren't they gorgeous?! I can't wait to treat myself!

I have loads of things in mind of what I want but I actually need to find the perfect fit for it.

Vivienne Westwood PVC Boots

2011-04-15T10:46:00.001+01:00

Whilst looking at this website for another thing (or two) to add to my wish list and I came across these boots:

Vivienne Westwood Melissa Bootie Stud Sky

They come in all colours and they are even bubblegum scented! They look perfect for a festival, you know how everyone wears Hunters at festivals this could easily as work.

I'm very tempted to get them but am in the moment of remembering all the things I ever wanted and this will have to wait.

Khloe K's Shoe collection

2011-04-14T12:07:00.001+01:00

Safe to say, I want something like this in the future! I mean one pair of Louboutins would be a dream come true but of course being a Kardashian, one can never be enough!

Creative shoes!

2011-04-13T20:52:00.000+01:00

I've always seen pictures of the chewing gum shoe floating around and then by using stumbleupon (I only started using it last week or so) I came upon a whole bunch of them! Some of them are just so fun to look at! They're designed by Kobi Levi who attended Bezalel Academy of Art & Design in Jerusalem (on a side note I really want to go to Tel Aviv)!

"Levi takes everyday objects and incorporates them into a creative pair of high heels."

You see more here and read the article.

Cow Vintage

2011-04-12T16:59:00.001+01:00

I finally got to wear this on Sunday, it's now what I would usually pick up so I felt really anxious about wearing it out. But it was comfortable and I really love the colour and pattern on it. It will take me time to get used to it, not because I don't like it but because I feel I'll have to go through a lot of friends saying "oh that's not you" which sometimes makes it really hard to except that you actually like something. But regardless, I wore it out and loved it and will continue to do so :)

my pride, it won't let me fall victim no more.

2011-04-11T21:16:00.003+01:00

I'm not even really sure how to dress for summer sometimes. My wardrobe lacks any inspiration! This was Friday, nice & sunny.

sunday lovin'

2011-04-10T15:36:00.004+01:00

ella aka party tights

Very blonde themed!

Have a lovely Sunday all, I'm feeling a bit under the weather, which is a shame with the sun :(

xxx

critically couture.

2011-04-07T17:37:00.004+01:00

The sun is sooo lovely! I just such a lovely lunch date at La Tasca the food and company has made me really happy :)

This picture inspires me to get loads of pretty dresses this summer, they are so smart and elegant with such lovely colours too! Ahh, I cannot wait for the 3rd of may!

I've handed in all my work so until Monday I'm being work free after that it's revision and another essay of 3,500 words. Eek!

wish list.

2011-04-06T15:43:00.004+01:00

Ralph Lauren Crested Polo T-shirt

This is being added to my wish list, can't really explain it but I just want this! I love how people look in polo shirts. I absolutely adore purple and I really like the yellow lining on the sleeves. I'm hoping it comes back in stock during the summer because I really really really want it!

I've nearly completed all my work, by tomorrow I'll be totally stress free. Excellent!

p.s it's a month until my birthday!

sunday lovin'

2011-04-03T16:14:00.005+01:00

So yes, I've finally gotten round to doing sunday lovin' again. Here is a random collection of things. most outfit inspired. I threw in a couple that have beautiful light!

Hope everyone is having a lovely Sunday, I've been a busy bee!

a different coloured ring for every day of the week

2011-04-02T22:29:00.006+01:00

I got really bored one day.

big girls don't cry.

2011-04-01T11:43:00.001+01:00

I promised myself I would get up early today because I've been wanting to for the past three days and because I really need to write this essay but I didn't :( the feeling of becoming a failure is beginning. I'm going to dinner with a friend in the evening, to La Tasca, which is nice because I've never been, and my friend who is Spanish insists I will love his food. I saw him yesterday afternoon and he informed me he's having a bbq (weather permitted) around 4 and I said I'd go, so now even less time to be working on my essay. I took these shots at home, it's my mums scarf but I stole it :D

end of term stress

2011-03-31T11:13:00.004+01:00

End of term means you start to panic about work you haven't done. I've got about 3,000 words to write by April 8th. I wouldn't be so worried if I just didn't spend my time lounging in bed watching House. I NEED MOTIVATION.

Here are pictures from me cam-whoring myself:

I didn't get these trousers :( they were sold out when I went to the Birmingham miss selfridge and their sold out online. Absolutely gutted!

I loveddd this outfit, the shirt is from Miss Selfridge me thinks and the bottoms from Topshop.

I wish I could say I was off to write my essay but I'm not, I'm going to eat and watch more House. After that though I'm going to go to my lecture and then go to the library :D

Beauty for Ashes - Joyce Meyer

2011-03-30T00:16:00.002+01:00

Beauty For Ashes: Receiving Emotional Healing by Joyce Meyer

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I found this book really helpful, I'm not in anyway religious so I did tend to get really annoyed at some parts. For the main part I took the lessons from this and applied them to my life without the whole religious aspect.

The most powerful thing about this book for me, was it made me realise a lot about myself and the abuse I have faced. She says a lot of simple things that have made me realise how much anger and hurt I've been carrying inside of me and by her recognising it and saying simple things, I've really been able to start applying her suggested techniques to my life.

I do recommend this for those who need healing, it's a book that allows you to realise how much power you have over you life, but you need to take control at some point.

View all my reviews

Italia here I come!

2011-03-27T20:27:00.004+01:00

So remember this post about Italy? All well and truly inspired by the beautiful city I had to make a post about it. Well you might have also seen me talk about the interview I had for a study placement at a University in Milan and I got it! My uni rang me on wednesday and told me about it !!! It didn't set in then but everyone has been congratulating me and it's been wonderful. Anyway it only really just set in today that I will be living and studying there. I'm so excited, so much to see and experience. I know I will be so excited and it makes me feel reassured as where I am right now, I don't get excited about much.

I will be studying at Bocconi uni, I've already pretty much picked out my courses:

That's the best I could find of shots of the Uni.

So I think it's safe to say, I'll be bringing you pictures of all the places I want to visit.

I'm even planning budgets and everything now, for living and exploring.

Tough stuff but I'll certainly need to make the best of my stay there.

I'm also working on something really exciting at the moment, it's to do with my writing and I'm over the moon that I've been giving this opportunity.

I hope everyone has had a lovely Sunday, I certainly have!

hey leopard.

2011-03-21T13:03:00.003Z

I can't wait to get these!

As soon as my money comes in tomorrow I'm running to miss selfridge for them.

I've already tried them on before but I'm certain I want it now.

Oh yeah bit by bit I'm getting rid of my old wardrobe. I desperately need a change in how I dress.

so have another drink and drive yourself home.

2011-03-15T11:37:00.002Z

source

this is so so good! "swag" haha but mostly just cute!

I really haven't had the time for blogging, between being exhauted, doing my work, being home and dealing with my crazy head, blogging has been left behind. Can't say when it'll come back though.

I dare you

2011-03-14T13:04:00.001Z

If you haven't heard everyone raving about Adele's album 21 then you've clearly been under a rock! This is another example of why it's beautiful:

Adele - One and Only.

illustrations

2011-03-10T17:23:00.001Z

I've been looking into illustrations recently because of my marketing psychology module (presentation all done now) and it is lovely the things people draw by hand. If I can manage to get the illustrations we had I'll post them up for you to see how gorgeous they are!

le bon lait

2011-03-09T13:05:00.005Z

Look at these French Vintage milk bottles! I have a module for uni and we basically came up with the same idea as this company but obviously they make it look ten times better as they actually produced/are producing it. So so cute, you should see our mood board, we've pulled so much inspiration from France, this module was certainly a lot of fun. It all ends tomorrow with our presentation! Can you believe on of the girls invited us round to breakfast before the presentation? How cute!

Also this evian bottle is gorgeous. People buy these things just for the pretty design and then put flowers in them, or just keep them. Lovely!

smokin'

2011-03-07T20:31:00.002Z

here comes a feeling you thought you'd forgotten.

2011-03-05T20:07:00.005Z

pub crawls produce weird and delightful things.

dyed t-shirts, face paintings and costumes.

I just had my t-shirt dyed and teamed it with my black high wasted shorts.

I'm off out tonight, me going out twice in a week is not like me at all.

Lately I've been going out once a month!

I've been at meetings and I have an interview for a study placement so I've been preparing for that, I really hope I get it. I'm incredibly excited.

I hope you've all had a fabulous week.

pubcrawl.

2011-03-01T18:35:00.003Z

cut and dyed t-shirt for my uni's pubcrawl which took place last night. It was such a fun night, I'm very glad that I went!

I wore my friends shoes which massacred my feet, the back of my ankles hurt so much and my left ankle has skin missing and a blister starting, apart from that very very good night.

lay down your king.

2011-02-27T17:31:00.002Z

I'm not really sure about this lipstick. It's from Avon and named 'Rainkissed Rose'. I'm always unsure of whether or not I like it, I'm going to wear it again tomorrow when I go out and I guess I'll decide then if I really like it. What do you guys think?

Hope you have all had a lovely week!

human error.

2011-02-26T17:50:00.003Z

This is me right now. I just sort of threw everything on today. I got to wear my leather jacket for the first time in months so I was happy about that! I added the studs myself haha.

I'm finishing series 3 of house, watching the last episode right now. I watch waaay to much TV.

fast cars, shooting stars.

2011-02-23T20:10:00.005Z

I adored this song from the very first moment I heard it and it's been on repeat since then. Such a good video and well, look at how hot Rihanna looks in this! I'm not a huge kanye fan but I do like the odd song he does. I adore kid cudi :)

I can't believe how quickly February has gone by! Thankfully it's been a pleasant(ish) month.

Italy

2011-02-21T13:21:00.000Z

I think it's about time I've shared my love for Italy on this blog. I know my love for Italy starts with the food and then everything else just followed after. I was convinced I wanted to go there after I read Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert last year. So follow on from that, I have the chance to live anywhere I want from July onwards. At first I wanted to go to Spain but this was before I read Eat, Pray, Love after that I just wanted to go to Europe. Lately though Italy has staked itself a place in my mind and it refuses to go away, so I've been looking for placements in Italy. I can't think of anywhere else I want to be or anywhere that makes me feel so inspired just by thinking of the country. Anyway, enough of my rambling, I have pictures so you can see what inspires me.

sources: here & here

sunday lovin'

2011-02-20T16:58:00.000Z

a mix and match. two stylish and beautiful women.

two pieces of art i find funny and then interesting.

happy sunday everyone!

just another case of do or die.

2011-02-19T18:38:00.002Z

it's been a busy week, that and i stay up til 6 in the morning talking with my friends so I haven't even thought about blogging. But here's snap of Sana that I adore.

Amazing body and her wonderful hair!

I hope everyone has been having a lovely weekend.

She's electric, she's the current running through my veins.

2011-02-13T20:44:00.007Z

okay no sunday lovin' as I haven't managed to put anything together. I haven't spent much time at my laptop this weekend, I had a fun and sober weekend and it was so lovely.

I hope everyone has a nice day tomorrow, especially with it being Valentines Day and all. I'll certainly be spending mine like it's a normal day as I'm single and didn't realise tomorrow was V-day until it was brought up.

ashes and wine.

2011-02-11T16:06:00.007Z

yesterdays outfit. i have quite a bit of work i need to get on with, considering i've spent most of my week in bed watching House, Criminal Minds & Jersey Shore! Jersey Shore is such a guilty pleasure, it is so cringe but it makes me laugh so much. I'm also very gutted I was in Birmingham was Pauly D was in London but life goes on.

I'm grateful that today is my day off, I'm just going over the lectures I've missed and making notes to make sure I understand and to save myself some time when I start to revise.

Have a lovely day.

i'm not the loving kind.

2011-02-09T13:17:00.004Z

drew phelps by lucy carr-ellison.

i'll save my last dance for you.

2011-02-07T19:45:00.005Z

Good thing about having a mother that is bigger and shorter than you is you can wear her huge jumper knit things that she loves. I remember when I was younger wearing your parents clothes wasn't cool but my mum was always hella stylish and even if I didn't agree with what she wore she always had a style of her own. She has loads of huge cardigans (well on me) and colourful pieces and I will take pictures next time I go back home. But this is what I wore today, nice and comfy.

Hope everyone had a lovely day!

sunday lovin'

2011-02-06T17:38:00.004Z

How gorgeous is everything in the first image?!

I'm incredibly hungover. Apart from being sick my sunday has been lovely, my friend cooked and looked after me and we watched The Proposal. I back at home and still exhausted so this is a short one. Going back to Birmingham tomorrow, ack. I hope everyone has had a lovely weekend and enjoy the rest of your Sunday!

why'd you say hallelujah if it means nothing to ya?

2011-02-03T11:00:00.004Z

I haven't a valid reason as to why I haven't been blogging. I guess I've been cooking and eating and attending my lectures. But even that doesn't take up a lot of time. Truth be told I've just started watching House and I'm loving it that I sit in bed pretty much all the time and watch it. That and I started on my essay today, only another 2,000 words to go.

Do you want to see what I've been cooking?

The two top pictures are mozzarella, tomato and gnnochi bake.

left and bottom right is spinach and ricotta roll-ups and above the bottom right we have caramelised onions and mushrooms with sausage and mash and parsley and basil.

Pre essay procrastination. I don't know about my looks recently but here I am.

I'm going to London on Friday and I'm getting my hair done on Monday, still sticking with the black as it's practical for interviews.

sunday lovin'

2011-01-30T14:20:00.002Z

Breakbot - Baby I'm Yours (feat. Irfane)

Watch and listen to amazingness. The video is such beautiful art work and well the song? Have a listen, it just makes you want to dance.

Have a lovely Sunday, I'm still preparing for my interview.

I've got most things covered, so I hope tomorrow goes smoothly!

keep calm and carry on.

2011-01-28T13:32:00.004Z

So I went to Primark today as my student loan will not stretch very far as I've done far too much spending this month!

I tried this one, although it's not my usual thing I found that it was gorgeous. I wanted to get it but thought I'd wait until I actually had extra money. I love the the shirt top part and the gold coloured buttons it has.

I bought this for my interview. I'm not sure if it's too dressy for an interview so I did buy another plain black one with a simple design on the shoulder. I'm going to try them both on later and decide which one to wear. I like this one and asked my friend who works in KPMG and she said it was okay. So I may go with her advice.

I really actually do want this placement, so I'm trying very hard to practise as best as I can for it.

I Need a Dollar

2011-01-26T20:34:00.002Z

On the first listen I am already liking this song. It's so fresh and funky.

I'm listening to the Dazed and Confused End of Year Playlist.

It's nice when you sometimes want to stray away from your itunes but you don't know which way to go. They've provided me with some wonderful tracks in the past, so I recommend you give their play lists listen because you are sure to find something you like.

i could take you to my heart but i'm not sure if i'd just fall apart.

2011-01-24T19:18:00.006Z

I don't think I ever mentioned that I got an interview for a placement and it's next monday. I guess I should purchase a suit? Maybe a smart dress, I'm going to try some on after my morning lecture tomorrow. If I get this placement I'll be over the moon, I'd prefer it to be in another country but I'm actually really happy with the job specification so I'm hoping I'll get it.

It wasn't meant to be a grey colour scheme but it happens!

I'm taking my tongue piercing out in 6 days, it's not very interview or placement appropriate, so I'll be saying by to it for a year or so. I'm going to attempt a course work draft now. I say attempt because I'm quite tired and I have to be up early tomorrow so attempt is the best I think I can manage.

sunday lovin'

2011-01-23T13:19:00.005Z

more like hair sunday, i've just been collecting pictures so i thought I would share :)

the morning after.

2011-01-22T15:59:00.001Z

today is a day for recovery, last night was lovely though a nice way to round off exams.

music is my remedy.

2011-01-21T21:29:00.003Z

I just found this hilarious!

Lovely outfit and accurate drawing.

As of yesterday I have no exams left until June! I also found out I have a placement interview at the end of this month, so it was a good day yesterday.

I start back to uni on Monday, so soon but it's got to be done.

I hope everyone has a nice weekend!

this girl's gonna be alright.

2011-01-18T18:40:00.002Z

saturdays "outfit".

my exam today was SO hard. i don't even want to begin to think about re-takes.

ugh.

there was a monster in my bed.

2011-01-17T21:29:00.004Z

I'm drowning in exam stress. but i decided a nice break would be taking pictures of my make-up?

I don't use that much or wear it on a daily basis (apart from eyeliner) but it is what it is. I adore fake eyelashes, honestly, I love it when they look "natural". I did once purchase purple eyelashes they were awesome and not as loud as they sound!

I'm off to do more essay planning!

kate bosworth.

2011-01-17T11:53:00.003Z

how radiant does she look? shopping away in new york never look so simple!

sunday lovin'

2011-01-16T16:34:00.006Z

Film grain inspired sunday.

remaininglight

voldy92

have a lovely sunday!